just realised my stuff is packed so putting some more thoughts on from my memory stick
i dont want to sound dramatic or pretentios but as i said this blog is just me keeping sanity and i want to log my story. im my first vegan year it was one of the most difficult times ive had. its difficult to say if it was all about being vegan but it was a very very difficult time. okay i admit it, it was maybe the most difficult time of my life. im still not so sure why exactly.
i moved house a few moths after i became vegan. a great house share i had ended due to a housemate not taking on the lease then i had a fxxxxxx horrible nightmare 6 weeks living with a girl who seemed an anti vegan and i cant help but feel was somewhat threatened by my lifetsyle. i did my best to be reasonable although she remained adamant that i didnt eat properly. living their was my worst time in NZ. I then moved out of desparation to another really expensive house where i stayed for 4 months. kind of boarding house style with 8 people. no one was vege, everyone was sound enough but it was never home for me. it was finally in april i moved to my new vegan house and suddenly
felt so much more settled like things were getting better.
looking back over the last year i dont think ive had a time where so much change has occurred and ive felt so different from one year to the next. ive changed on a deep fundamental level through becoming vegan. my attitudes have evolved. i relate to a whole new group of people and have found a whole new kinship and belonging ive never had before and i still feel im just at the start which all excites. plus i can somehow cook a few cool things. i used to have the standard boring meat meals, now its so much better. anyway back to story.
in this time spoke to my counselling mentor a lot more. there were a few months went by when i was driving myself somehow trying to keep moving forward but it was like
something deeper was changing in me. my mentor said i was going through a deep transformational process. she said how when she was my age she had a really dramatic one
whereas she almost committed suicide. i certainly didnt feel that bad but i felt this disclosure comforting.
looking back maybe it was just all about feeling something on such a deep level that other people didnt see. i think of the big house i was in and people always making steak and
bacon and once almost wretching at the smell of it. i guess my new home now made the difference because i knew i was with people who felt the same as i did.
it was interesting when i came through i suddenly started to get an idea id get a tattoo. so not the old me but feels more me now. its actually planned for when i get back from my uk trip. its going to be on my back and ill have a labyrinth mandala fused with a native american sun and another sun. the labyrinth is a symbol of birth, death, rebirth abd progress. the native american sun is a symbol of the healing arts and of peace (to embrace my counselling and veganism), the other sun will be to show the self conquering the shadow. i started to find the whole idea quite romantic. I found this site about
mandalas which I found inspiring. I read this cool book on tattoos too
something strange happened in the last few weeks too as i meditated ive started to feel jolts like electricity passing through my body. its actually a good feeling and i know
its constructive. ive read into it and research around kundalini awakening say it can be chakras opening or if theyre already opening the left over crap of the past coming
out. ah and the native american sun also has 7 rays representing the 7 chakras so again fits.
i guess the idea of a tattoo as a kind of symbol of a new me, my individual self and my rite of passage to my new life. ive never been a bastard i dont think but theres
stupid ways ive behaved in the past that i feel arent really who i want to be and now im more me than ive ever been and i want some symbol of how i came through a tough
time to a more evolved sense of me. it is a time ill always remember. im glad the darkness has ended now.
I've actually booked in to have my tattoo done on 1 September 2 days after returning to NZ. Feels cool :)
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