rest of 16 August

Had a great one hour run last night and dinner leftovers with some potatoes.  Spent time in the evening relaxing and reading my new running book by Jeff Galloway which seemed really inspiring.  I spoke to people from the Manchester Tao group which was good so may see them on sunday I think could be cool.  Today I'm about to go and meet with Stuart and will see Dave later.  Will likely have a couple of halves.  Still rather not drink at all but it is being phased out.  All linking with my new blogs I started yesterday as I prepare for my first marathon and doing it as a Vegan person and giving up alcohol.

15th night and 16th morning

Had an interesting night out with 2 friends last night.  Was actually good on the whole while making me realise I'm in that phase of just becoming more strongly Vegan over time and becoming the new me more and more.  We went to 3 pubs and I have to just admit I didn't feel strongly enough in my new identity to not drink alcohol although did my best to search for Vegan beers.  Whereas I'm confortable on the whole as a Vegan I'm not comfortable in my pretty much non drinking self.  That's something that's still developing.

I had a bottle of Peroni and 2 bottles on Tiger.  I knew Tiger was Vegan and found out today Peroni was which made me happy.  The atmosphere was actually really pleasant and I wasn't drunk enough to fall into silly arguments.  I imagine if my other friend from NZ had been there that could've happenend.  I'm just a bit annoyed I didn't feel good enough to go for a run today.  I feel though maybe between now and my next visit here I will more solidify myself as a non drinker I feel and hope anyway.  Whereas I do enjoy the little buzz to some degree it is something I have crowded out and just enjoy the feeling without it more and my greater sense of clarity e.g. going for a run this morning would've felt good.

While out I was asked about if I stopped buying stuff like leather which I replied I had.  There was a bit of conversation happened to come up somehow about animals being killed and I was able to mention Earthlings.  Not in an indoctrinating way but just a passing on of information.  I said I would recommend anyone watch it once.  It seems it planted the seed.

It was interesting as I really noticed the whole thing I read in this blog 'The hardest thing about being vegan' about well meaning people just not being interested or being blinded to think it's okay to eat animals.  In a totally non narcissistic way as we briefly discussed Earthings my friend asked what animals you see being killed and I said about the cows, chickens etc.  My friend said jokingly, oh just ones that are food then.

It was really interesting.  My friend is just a really good guy and writing this now makes it sound like a deliberate cruel thing to say but I could tell from the way he said it there wasn't any knowing genuine malice at all in his voice or attitude.  He just hasn't woke up yet.

we walked around and my friends made a couple of jokes about the different shops such as the cheese shop which I would have no use for.  All of this actually felt pretty good natured humour which didn't bother me.  I was happy though I hadn't drank more and another friend wasnt there as I think I could've potentially bought into more of an argument which he no doubt would've pushed so I'll be careful when I see him back in NZ.

My friend also told me about his girlfriend having a Folie Gras burger.  I couldn't remember what it was but then remembered.   He joked about how this is made.  It really saddens me writing this because again I know he's not a malicious person at all but is just completely desensitised to this and just sees it as the norm as so many others do.  I kind of shrugged it off with a joke 'Noooooo!!!'

I hope between now and my next trip I can become stronger in me as a Vegan and in my non drinker identity.  That seems the way forward.  Although drinking isn't non vegan it somehow seems to go hand in hand to work to eliminate it due to being more conscious and spiritual perhaps.  Maybe then I can be a better Vegan advocate too and be taken more seriously.  All a step at a time I guess.

I'm happy I definitely won't be drinking alcohol today.

Sunday 11 August. Selling stuff, charity shield, friend

Spent quite a bit of time in the morning selling stuff on ebay.  Was good to feel like I'm getting rid of stuff that I really don't need and will never use while getting some cash obviously in the process.  Had lots of good food throughout the morning.  Watched United and Wigan at 2 pm in the charity shield.  That was kind of cool although I spoke a lot on my dictaphone about my feelings around football.  How it's been such a big part of my life in the past and now although watching a game is kind of cool it seems linked with that whole brainwashed ego culture.  I feel I've moved on a lot and felt good about my cultivation in the spiritual development workshop and my Vegan lifestyle.  I feel they have certainly given me a much deeper connection to life than I had before and I'm really greatful for that.

I couldn't help but notice how horrible it seemed that the charity shield was sponsored by Mcdonalds.  It seemed so vile.  You could see it on all the adverts at the side of the pitch then at the end they announced the McDonalds man of the match. So vile!

It was good to meet friend in town in the evening and go to Ning.  It was great they had some good Vegan options highlighted as such.  I had one beer which was a San Miguel which I didn't know at the time if it was Vegan or not.  I wasn't bothered about drinking but Kelly had one and it felt like the right thing to do.  I thought of a friend who visited old friends and did go along a bit.  It felt like I was doing my best.  I found out today it is Vegan unless it's the Phillipines one.  I would rather not drink but do just go along a little socially.  I will find out a few more definite Vegan beers though so I'm safer in future.

It was a good night out having a meal and playing pool.  Just annoying that one train didn't come meaning I waited an hour at the station.  My main thoughts were around the football as above and also how I'm completely detached from drinking alcohol.  Although I haven't been drinking much at all in NZ for ages it has been coming back here I've really noticed it due to still doing it a reasonable amount up to when I left here at start of 2009. 

I recorded a lot of thoughts about this on my dictaphone.  It seems strange that it's something that was the source of so much fun from being 16 and still good few drinks every week or so at 28 almost 29.  Now though I genuinely have no interest at all.  I feel happy I've got to that stage and feel it can only be a progression.  I feel happy that I've moved on and somehow have a deeper connection to life than I used to have and it seems to be deepening.

Run then meeting with an old friend. 6. Aug

Had a great morning in going out for a run for almost 2 hours and not feeling so tired.  Seems the marathon training is well on.  Was good to make the Vegan cake as linked on my other post.  I then made a step by step curry from the Revive book then went to Emma's house.  It was great to see her again after 4.5 years.  She really is like a sister and I know she thinks of me as a brother.  A really cool relationship.

It was interesting on the Vegan front I guess she was surprised to hear how the optimum human diet is plant based and she said about wearing a leather jacket etc went through me a bit.  It was good we were able to go around that a bit.  I'm really happy she enjoyed my curry.  I was impressed with her writing. 

It's good now I have my dictaphone I think will help me a lot with mine and all my Vegan thoughts and any other general writing.  I was happy she gave me back 'Human change processes' by Mahoney.  I wonder if that could help me to understand and maybe write more about our brainwashed meat eating culture and the way out of that.

Will be good to spend more time with Emma over the coming weeks.  It was great to talk about dreams too and chakras.  My dream before I went to NZ was very key as were my few dreams there too.  Was okay to have a couple of beers but really feel I've outlived it.  It's like I'd rather not drink now in all honesty.  It is a drug and I prefer life with out it.