just a check in

Just thinking more about the whole ethical grounding veganism seems to give in my life.  It is like a foundation which at it's core separates me from certain people as I said before.  I feel like I've found a really positive set of values around compassionate living etc which I don't want to give up ever.

I feel I will keep looking after me and finding that way to disengage from others who may want to disrupt that where necessary.  I feel my tattoo project is cool and I will look forward to getting that.

I feel separating myself is good and becoming more distinguished as being my own man.  I can feel my intuition and that needing to pay attention to it and notice the signs that pop up every now and again around people and have the belief to keep acting on those.

I feel this weekend can be great with my SAFE work and also with meeting cool friends and reading, relaxing, maybe bit of video games.  Catching up on sleep is all good too.

thinking about the ethical stance as on facebook and the friends link

I think a lot about how Veganism has changed me in creating this real ethical foundation in my character.  It's like it has grounded me and I feel kind of scared in the sense that a long term friend I don't feel as bothered about.  I feel like it's created a real shift and like we are fundamentally very different.  I guess the link with the spiritual development group and that real grounding of compassion as the source.  Eating meat is Psychopathic.  That real blindness and just refusing to look.  That just trying to crowd over other people rather than the foundation of peace.

I feel I got through the phonecall all day and will keep my foundation there as well as I can and keep monitoring it on here.  I do still feel very veganly sane.  It links with my no drinking thing too I guess.

3 hours to leaving. 30.8.13

Few hours to I go now.  Stuff is all packed up. It has been a great trip.  I had a dream last night whereby me and my family were going up the stairs of somewhere filling with water. I felt some fear like it was associated with the current issues with Syria. The water stopped when we got near the top and we had to wait there. It was a strange dream, not really horrible though.

I slept quite well last night with a bit of the electricity jolt type thing again which I do feel relates lots to my Vegan and not drinking life.  It seems in particular maybe as I haven't been drinking at times I would've been doing in the past.  It feels good though. Rather than heading into meaniglessness and numbing feelingds it's becoming more aware.

Last night I could look at my list and people to catch up with and know I'd seen everyone.  Similarly I could reflect on how I felt happy about how I'd kept my Vegan sanity and related my Veganism with everyone well.  Getting a friend the book because I felt they could be interested and sharing Vegan food with people.  I really do feel I've found a part of my soul which was always lacking before.

On the tattoo front I felt last night I could almost go ahead with the one design I have now really.  I'll just see what comes up over the next two weeks then will book in again.  I will get it done soon.  The labyrinth and sun shows a lot for me and just that desire to have a cool tattoo of meaning is all good now.  That one design is 'good enough' I feel for sure.  I'll see what else comes up then make a decision.  I do hope for one more design of the labyrinth and sun then to go ahead. 

I feel I took a risk maybe to send NZ friend Diet for a New America but feel even if it serves just as deflection it's worth it.  It concerns me that as I become more connected and if he keeps going on about eating animals as acceptable then we will drift further.  I need to keep cultivating and finding my way well.

I feel kind of good about the trip back and how I can make a good week.  I want to make some plans and hope this writing can be ongoing to all parts of my mental health, particularly Vegan sanity but also around drinking, running and whatever else comes up.  It feels good to think of the next few months and continuing this writing process.

Will add that I've really been enjoying reading 'The Lucky Ones'. Really attaches us more to that deeper meaning.

Saying bye to Gran and accepting folks drive to airport

Said bye to Gran tonight which was sad but not too sad.  It was good I made the decision not to drive her home which seems like trying to make things sad which just isn't necessaary.  I packed a few things and am getting some good feelings about what it will be like back in Auckland.  Still a bit tense about the whole flight but know I'll be fine when I'm on there.

My folks spoke today about driving me to the airport so clear that's what they want and I feel happy going along with it really for their sake while being in good management of myself throughout and managing my emotions through it all.  It has been a really great trip and I do hope to come back in 2 years. :) :) :)

Farewell dinner out. 28.8.13

Had a great dinner out at Purplse Pakora again with Mum, Dad, sister and Gran. Was a really great curry again.  I had a vegetable dansak the same as last time. Was really great.  No issues whatsoever throughout the whole of the day again regarding being Vegan.  It would seem the mission to be veganly sane throughout my trip has gone really well.  There are no other major challenges expected.  It has been much much better than expected and just a new journey of my experience as a Vegan to actually come back and be comfortable with me being Vegan.

Today (29.8) I thought a lot about my friendship with my long term NZ friend and the rift my being Vegan has caused but I know that it is right and I will keep cultivating myself well with my spiritual development group to develop my compassion well and my Vegan friends to get that support to keep making the right decision forward whatever that is.

It has been a wonderful trip.  Last night I really enjoyed not drinking alcohol again although I did feel some temptation I really realised as I slept so peacefully (that was it, peace, a profound sense of peace) that it was a really great thing to not drink alcohol.  I am crowding it out. Love and Peace as a friend sometimes says on her messages.  I have more of a sense of that now.

Today is feeling somewhat stressful as I'll have my bye to make to Gran.  I feel not taking her home is best to stop it being too sad.  That holding on to that last moment doesn't seem right to me.  I'm not sure if I'm cutting off emotion.  It rather just seems emotionally responsible.  I'm really thinking that getting a taxi tomorrow would be best too.  I'm going to introduce that later.  Again I just don't like making it sad unnecessarily.  It feels weird and not appropriate.  I just want to obviously feel what's important to feel but have that good adapatation to change, like I've had a great time and we're all moving on with life and all understanding. That seems the way.

28 August so far. dentist and my new tattoo design

Well the day started off by getting a sample tattoo design, see above.  I'm just letting it sit with me for a while.  It all seemed more real when it came through.  I want it to have a labyrinth but wasn't sure of that one on the design at first but now thinking it could be good.  I wanted it to have the native american sun symbol with the seven rays but wanted it to look organic too.  It looked a bit bland just as it was originally.  This has 7 rays which are longer and I do particularly like the dotted artwork.  The labyrinth again will embrace birth death rebirth and progress. the traditional sun symbolises similar things but the particular native american sun is about peace and the healing arts. I'm wondering if it has enough of that in.  I'm going to cancel my appointment on monday anyway but I'll get a new design coming through too with the other labyrinth design.  I'm going to sit on it a bit to make sure it's just right. I want to make sure it is really what I want.

Went to the dentist and got 2 fillings. Never a great experience but glad it's out of the way.  i think the anaesthetic has made me feel a bit odd too. Didn't sleep so well or so long last night either. I was up late last night and kind of needed a bit more time to rest. I really want to wrap up my trip nicely and make a smoothe transition back. It's been a lovely trip with no Vegan issues.

As I write again I hear my parents looking at my new book I mentioned in the last post and discussing the cruelty of debeaking. It's great they're getting more aware. 'They have no right debeaking them' were my Dad's words. Good on him.

Tattoo update

Well I've been booked in to get my tattoo since before I came here.  I was due to get it on Monday next week in the morning.  I've been excited but never heard back from the Tattoo artist in the first 2 weeks of August as expected.  I had mailed a few times and never heard back.  I was actually going to mail to cancel and say I was a little disappointed not to hear.  I'm glad I didn't do that.  I decided to phone and she said she had been ridiculously busy.  Although she didn't say as much it seemed that she had somehow forgot about my appointment next monday.  I will now get the design in the next few days then will cancel my appointment and sit with the design.  I still hope to get it in good time before the marathon.  I wanted it when I got back really but a bit later will be okay.  I thought it would've been a nice coming back treat and affirmation somehow but nevermind.

I was thinking it may not be meaning to be but it still seems most likely on the cards and I'll just keep following myself with it all and what feels right. I've been tempted to mention it to people but have barely done at all other than my tattood friends really when it's come up. I guess it is very personal and individual.  I do feel like I'll be more me somehow.  Not something to rush into.  I wish it could've been sorted by now but now it seems best to get the design and really get it sorted aiming for over the next month or so. :)

Anyone like to share anything about their tattooing experiences? Any tattoos with particular meanings to you?